Another Christmas-related post

Good afternoon on this fine Christmas Eve, comrades.

Here’s a thought that seems to be appropriate to share on Christmas Eve.

Why do people bother going through the painstaking process of choosing and buying presents for people, with a roughly 90% chance that he/she won’t like it?

Why can’t people just give some money as a present, and the recipient can go and choose and buy something he’ll actually like?

I find it idiotic that, for the sake of “tradition”, people are willing to fight through swarms of fellow shoppers and significant amounts of time hunting for Christmas “bargains”, only to have whatever shitty present they buy promptly forgotten forever by the recipient. Is it not blatantly obvious that the most logical way to do Christmas giving is by handing over a few notes so he/she can buy something they’ll definitely like? Stop wasting effort in vainly hunting for “perfect” presents, in the process funding big corporations and companies and giving those filthy rich Capitalists a much unneeded boost. Go spend your time on something more productive and of more value to this world.

“But wait, you dirty communist!” you might say. “What about the excitement of opening up an unknown present! Stop trying to take away an important Christmas tradition!”

Well, quite frankly, no matter the excitement and suspense associated with presents, a gift from someone else will never suit your wants and needs as much as if you go out and buy it yourself. And I couldn’t care less about “tradition”, in this day and age what we need is practicality and logical thinking to solve problems that plague society. So what if giving money doesn’t look as good as giving a box wrapped up in colourful paper. It’s the practical solution. Getting rid of the silly, imagined importance of wrapped up presents will help solve the stress and often chaos associated with Christmas shopping. I mean, people have been killed in Christmas shopping-related stampedes. It is really worth it for 40% off some overpriced product (despite the fact that, even with the 40% discount, it’s still overpriced)?

Then you might argue that, with everyone giving each other money, it would be even more silly, with people being able to see clearly exactly how much they’ve profited or lost. Well I personally wouldn’t mind seeing an annual period of spreading the wealth, but I admit that this idea is somewhat unfeasible.

So you know what? Let’s just cut out this costly ritual of spending large amounts of money on each other’s wants (not needs), and actually give to people who need it! Let’s make Christmas a giant charity-fest, an annual event where, along with traditional Christmas celebrations, people bond together and donate large amounts of funds to charities, giving to the less fortunate poverty-stricken people both at home and abroad in poor areas, and helping supply for their basic needs to survive, instead of running around wondering what new flashy gadget we can add to our collection. For the religious ones out there, I’m sure your Jesus would be pleased with such a combined action to help the needy every year, much more so than making the rich even richer. For the non-religious, well, such a charity-fest would simply be a highly productive, conscience-nurturing and fulfilling thing to take part in – much better than spending hours hunting for meaningless products, only to never see them in use again after giving them away.

Modern Christmas is a Capitalist lie. How did we turn a time for reflecting on the goodness of humanity into a money-grubbing Capitalist’s wet dream? Maybe it’s time we saw through the hugely unnecessary amounts of the trivial, commercial aspects of today’s Christmas and get back to the positive and spiritual meaning behind it. We should take a look at the bigger picture and make use of Christmas, a time when good nature and generosity are at a high, to get something useful and necessary done in this problematic world.

- Ruob.

 

Alcohol.

Teen drinking is very bad. I got a fake ID though.

(I no longer need a fake ID. My ID is sufficient.)

For most of this year I abstained from the booze, this was due to an incredibly embarrassing occurrence that is not going to be mentioned, not even on this blog, and I had no wish to repeat this. Not drinking is less fun than drinking. I know, I’ve seen both sides of the tracks. I have a inbuilt need to care for people, and when they’re drunk, and lacking in judgement, this makes for a not fun night. On the other hand, you can get drunk and let other people worry about you. This is more fun. It’s better fun when everyone is drunk, but that can lead to date rape etc. My solution to this is to just drink in a safe (home) environment, as a) the alcohol is cheaper than at a bar, and b) everyone can get drunk!

Just ensure there are no balconies to fall off, no roofs to climb on, and that no one gets drunk enough to pass out and choke on their own vomit.

Death is bad. Quite like teen drinking.

Don’t Die.

 

Missing the point: Ratemyteachers.com

Now I’m sure all of you have gone through the situation where you’ve had to buy a new packet of pens each week because you have run out. How can that be? you may ask, well if some of you are academically fuelled students, you would have paid more attention to the teacher than just staring at Jamie Silver’s breasts, or poking your friend in the face with your pens – then having him throw it out the window (that explains the need for more pens). But as I go to an all-guy school – academically fuelled as well – that is often not the case. You see what we are plagued with is having an excess of unusually crap teachers, and teenagers have turned to their only true friend – the interwebs – to bitch about their angst on ratemyteachers.com. If you don’t know about the site, it is basically a forum of where young people from across the globe (sorted by countries) come to rate their teachers from their respective schools.

While the premise of the website is promising – it really isn’t very practical – just like communism. You see, all you’re doing is bitching about your teacher, and that get’s nothing done. Take Bob for example, his english teacher isn’t really English, more Indian or some other Potomac River native. But the point is, the education has become so overloaded with crap students and teachers, that we have resorted to providing English students with non-English teachers. Now explain to me how students are supposed to develop their lateral thinking minds when they aren’t even being taught by the right person – and don’t tell me that a non-english person can teach English, because I know first hand.

it seems that everyone has overlooked the most important thing about school because of this website – it has not only caused the average teenager to be more of a little s***, but also it has removed their lateral thinking ability. Instead of thinking outside the box, it is like drawing a little box inside the big one, and thinking within that frame. Now the problem are the teachers, and bringing this issue up to the education department simply won’t suffice. So my final and only point to all this is really, stop bitching about your teachers. There is really only one solution to this problem:

KICK YOUR DUMB ASS TEACHER IN THE BALLS

PS: It also works the same way for praising your teacher – no don’t headbut them – buy them a box of Swiss chocolates, or Belgium.

 

Adjusting to summer

Now when I stepped out of the house this morning, I was met with sunshine and blue skies. Well winter is over and summer is here – and most of us will be thinking: EEEkkk while looking in the mirror – not a mouse running behind you in the background – but at those larger hips, thighs and buttocks. So What do we do – we immediately put on our joggers and go running, walking or immediately to the weights. And then of course, we work ourselfs too hard and end up with aches and pains and strains all over.

So what do we do to solve this? I have seen several bizarre solutions – such as digital massage therapy pads offered on Zazz. But do we really want to find ourselves in situation of wasting money on cheap gimmicks that we often fall victim to? Time and time again, the innocent consumer has been targeted by marketers into buying their horrible weight-loss products.

So, I provide you with the best solution, and it’s only $5.95!!!

Now for that price, I will come around and kick you in the groyne until your breakfast, lunch, AND dinner! upends itself so that you get rid of all those nasty calories being stored in your thighs.

And if you pay by credit card, I’ll also come around and give you a rod to shove down your throat so that you can purge when I’m not around to provide you the service.

Honestly people – get on a treadmill, go for a run, hit the gym. It’s people like you who are ruining the earth, what with your breeding of overly large children and spurring on childhood obestiy – shame on you.

Disclaimer: I’m really sorry if I offended anyone with this blog. If you email me – I will send you a coupon pack of weight watchers – lasts until the end of the month.

 

Society’s Unwritten Rules

Whenever I see…

- Bus drivers waving to each other (driving past each other on the road)

- Subtle nods between fellow walkers

- Smiles exchanged between two commuters

- People giving up their seats for the pregnant/elderly/incapacitated

- Drivers flashing their lights, warning of a speed camera ahead

- Exchanges between shop attendants and customers, acknowledging the rude nature of another customer

- The index-finger indication of thanks/sorry/go for it/hey between drivers

- And all those other little quirks about society

…it reminds me that the world isn’t such an awful place after all.