So, I standing on my platform, in the spitting rain, pondering my relationship with Connex. Some say that relationships boil down to four things: Commitment, Trust, Communication and eventually, Love. (I’m not sure if ’some’ actually say this. These are just the ones that best fitted in with what I wanted to write about).

Commitment. I think I’m committed to our relationship. I woke up this morning, bemused to hear that there were major delays on my train line, the Pakenham/Cranbourne Line. I went to the station anyway, more than willing to wait for an available service. The first service came after an obscene amount of minutes, and I don’t think the passengers on them had ever been so ‘intimate’ with that many people before. But I waited for the next one, and when that was similarly full, I kept waiting. Commitment, Connex, commitment. You often say you’re also committed to delivering top-notch services and to continuously improving our rail network. I’ll have to give you this. You’re apparently always fixing or repairing something. I have yet to see any actual evidence of this, but I’ll believe you.

Trust. This is undeniably lacking in our relationship, Connex. I mean, you’re able to trust that each month I will purchase a ticket so I can travel to University and wherever else. But I can’t really trust, you can I? You cancel a lot of my trains. Sure, maybe it’s owing to reasons outside of your control. I can understand this. I’m an understanding person. But each time you do cancel one of my trains, or tell me one of my trains is delayed, I die a little on the inside, and with that, a little bit of the trust that I previously had for you goes with it.

Communication. This is what hurts me the most. All I need to hear is a, ‘Hey Folks, trains are screwed today, this is the reason why, and it will be this long till the next train’. Simple, concise, and to the point (unlike this letter). I don’t care that you ‘apologise’ for any ‘inconvenience’ caused. As long as you’re keeping me informed with what’s going on, I’m happy. But you don’t always do that. It just isn’t good enough. When a train stops in the middle of the tracks, on the off chance the train driver announces the reason why, or even apologises for not knowing the reason, I just want to hug him/her. Hey, I’m easy. But all you do is break my heart.

Love. Let’s be frank…I don’t love you. Sure, I do think some of your ticket inspectors and customer service representatives are far too attractive to be doing what they’re doing, but the train system is not sexy and will never hump my camel. But you love my money, don’t you? Yeah, I can that little grin developing. Don’t hide it.

Maybe I’m just an ignorant and whiny Uni student willing to complain about things when they don’t go right for me. Maybe, I should just suck it up and shut my mouth in the future. But Connex:

I hate you, I will never love you and I don’t want to see you again.

But I will…because I’m using you for your services. That’s right. I’m just using you.

Ashley.

Echo………

So last year was shit for me, one of the worst years I can remember (the others I’ve repressed). I have 9GBs of music on my computer, yet I can’t find anything to listen to that doesn’t remind me of a shit point in time.

The entire year was shit. The first six months I missed my best friend in the entire world. The last six months was focussed on the fact that I hadn’t studied, and really should have, but couldn’t really be bothered, and that my best friend still wasn’t there.

So everything reminds me of either missing her, or getting really upset about school, but she’s returned, so I’m happy. Now there is nothing within my entire music library to share that sentiment. Even if you were to believe that the song was actually quite a happy one, the fact is that I listened to them, to try and make me happy, but it often didn’t work.

I’m so happy now. Everything is just perfect. But talk to me on the 15th, and it may be a different story.

I think I should run away and join the circus, (no really, I’d love to be a clown.)

Life is annoying. Nothing is ever right.

All I do is complain, but there are so many people out there who are in a much worse situation, who don’t complain. I feel mean, and inconsiderate.

Peace out.

So I’m sure everyone knows you got smashed off your face on new year’s eve, woke up in some old lady’s flower bed the next morning with no panties on, a pool of vomit on your chest and a large gash where your belly button used to be. (Okay, so maybe that didn’t happen to everyone, but I know that would have happened to the guy who we met at the park, whose girl friend had scratched him from his chest down to his groin. And let me tell you, it was NOT cute. Although I know what you’re thinking… Pretty kinky, right?)

All I know is that it could be worse. After seeing a swivel chair hurtling towards me with a drunk teenage guy on it with a cigarette in one hand and imitation Kanye West glasses on his face, I’m afraid to say that a small part of me, that wanted to drink, died. I think I could write a book on this experience, called 101 things to do with swivel chairs. It would go a little something like this…
1. Get drunk whilst straddling a swivel chair
2. Ride it full speed down the street
3. Spin around for a while
4. Fall over the curb and off the seat
5. Get back on
6. Fall off again
7. Get back on
8. Fall off again.
       ETC.
101. Decide that the reason you have been falling off is that a wheel is broken (when in fact all wheels are intact, but however, it makes good fun to watch).

Anyway, 2009 doesn’t seem to hold any exciting promises. Doesn’t seem like anything good could happen this year (unless you count going bankrupt as a good thing). Obviously, Channel Ten agrees with me, after airing an ABBA special on new year’s eve. I mean, what does a Swedish band, sequins, lycra and cat suits (or in unfortunate band member Bjorn’s case, revealing transvestite one-pieces) have to do with the new year? Unless sequins, lycra, cat suits and revealing transevestite one-pieces and/or ABBA are making a comeback in 2009… Move over Britney! I hear talks are in place for Mamma Mia the Musical Two, so it could very well be possible. Kids, keep your eyes peeled.

Oh by the way just before I leave, just wanted to mention that another clever thing to do on NYE is run around a park at midnight minus pants, whist shouting ‘Where are my pants?’ and ‘Who stole my pants?’ or ‘Teehee! Pants!’
Because in the end, Stupidity = Quite Entertaining, despite all the negativity towards stupid people. After all, there’s only one day of the year where I’m willing to hand out exceptions. So to all you lunatics who get smashed, lose your pants, get mauled by girlfriends and spin around on chairs all night on new years, I say God Bless You, because without you, it just wouldn’t be the same.

             Happy 09 !

Now most of us here will have experienced the unique feeling of commenting something/someone (note I said ‘unique feeling’.. that’s my was of saying if you haven’t commented us already then you should try it xD). And we will all understand that the ‘post’ button is on the left and the ‘cancel’ button on the right. Always you say? Well.. NO. YOU ARE WRONG!

Some complete and utter idiot who obviously did not want me to comment my friends MySpace blog (PLUS I was in the midst of telling her to put the blog on here.. ANSTER! That means you!), decided that putting the ‘cancel’ button on the left of the screen would be a wise idea. I think not! My natural instinct was to just click the left button without reading it.. as I usually do. However imagine my suprise when the blog refreshed itself and my incredibly genius and long comment WAS NOT THERE! Now you’re probably thinking why didnt she just calm down and type it out again? Well you know how jokes aren’t funny the second time? That’s what it was like! How could MySpace expect me to have to relive that moment.. it’s impossible! It wouldn’t sound the same nor would any of my intelligent comments actually sound half smart. And this is all added to the fact that it was an incredibly long comment and I really couldn’t be bothered writing it out again. *hmph* Maybe it is time we boycotted MySpace. Though to me that would just be stupid. Therefore I choose to boycot all MySpace blogs (this one entertains me just enough anyway) and this is a !!WARNING!! to you Tom.. you put that cancel button on the right.. OR ELSE.

CrunchieKay

MSN = Prime example.

You log on, see who’s online and chat.

BUT STOP.

We missed a step. Right before the ’see who’s online’. The groups you have classified your friends as.  Ahh, so now we come to the reason behind this post. I want to see how many possible different groups there are.

I’ll list a few that people I know have. And myself. But that’s not the point. Carry on..

*Online *Offline *Friends *Besties *Enemies *Boys *Girls *Randoms *(Insert School) *(Insert Sport Team) *(Insert Club) *(Insert Country) *Family *Connections *Colleagues *Adults *Kids and etc.

But what I want to find are any of those really wacky ones. Like the ones people have, yet even they can’t answer why they have them. For example, enemies. Unless you plan on having a good old argument with them every now and again, what is the point of having them? No plans to talk to them = bye bye. Yet you will find people have their only little group reserved just for these little men. (Or women. Either one. Or maybe neither.. ooh hadn’t thought of that had you?)

So if anyone out there in the wide world known as earth has one of these wacky groups, please inform me. And of WHY as well. Otherwise you would be depriving me, and any other readers of this blog and that is something you surely dont want to do.

Until then.. ta ta!

CrunchieKay

Good afternoon on this fine Christmas Eve, comrades.

Here’s a thought that seems to be appropriate to share on Christmas Eve.

Why do people bother going through the painstaking process of choosing and buying presents for people, with a roughly 90% chance that he/she won’t like it?

Why can’t people just give some money as a present, and the recipient can go and choose and buy something he’ll actually like?

I find it idiotic that, for the sake of “tradition”, people are willing to fight through swarms of fellow shoppers and significant amounts of time hunting for Christmas “bargains”, only to have whatever shitty present they buy promptly forgotten forever by the recipient. Is it not blatantly obvious that the most logical way to do Christmas giving is by handing over a few notes so he/she can buy something they’ll definitely like? Stop wasting effort in vainly hunting for “perfect” presents, in the process funding big corporations and companies and giving those filthy rich Capitalists a much unneeded boost. Go spend your time on something more productive and of more value to this world.

“But wait, you dirty communist!” you might say. “What about the excitement of opening up an unknown present! Stop trying to take away an important Christmas tradition!”

Well, quite frankly, no matter the excitement and suspense associated with presents, a gift from someone else will never suit your wants and needs as much as if you go out and buy it yourself. And I couldn’t care less about “tradition”, in this day and age what we need is practicality and logical thinking to solve problems that plague society. So what if giving money doesn’t look as good as giving a box wrapped up in colourful paper. It’s the practical solution. Getting rid of the silly, imagined importance of wrapped up presents will help solve the stress and often chaos associated with Christmas shopping. I mean, people have been killed in Christmas shopping-related stampedes. It is really worth it for 40% off some overpriced product (despite the fact that, even with the 40% discount, it’s still overpriced)?

Then you might argue that, with everyone giving each other money, it would be even more silly, with people being able to see clearly exactly how much they’ve profited or lost. Well I personally wouldn’t mind seeing an annual period of spreading the wealth, but I admit that this idea is somewhat unfeasible.

So you know what? Let’s just cut out this costly ritual of spending large amounts of money on each other’s wants (not needs), and actually give to people who need it! Let’s make Christmas a giant charity-fest, an annual event where, along with traditional Christmas celebrations, people bond together and donate large amounts of funds to charities, giving to the less fortunate poverty-stricken people both at home and abroad in poor areas, and helping supply for their basic needs to survive, instead of running around wondering what new flashy gadget we can add to our collection. For the religious ones out there, I’m sure your Jesus would be pleased with such a combined action to help the needy every year, much more so than making the rich even richer. For the non-religious, well, such a charity-fest would simply be a highly productive, conscience-nurturing and fulfilling thing to take part in – much better than spending hours hunting for meaningless products, only to never see them in use again after giving them away.

Modern Christmas is a Capitalist lie. How did we turn a time for reflecting on the goodness of humanity into a money-grubbing Capitalist’s wet dream? Maybe it’s time we saw through the hugely unnecessary amounts of the trivial, commercial aspects of today’s Christmas and get back to the positive and spiritual meaning behind it. We should take a look at the bigger picture and make use of Christmas, a time when good nature and generosity are at a high, to get something useful and necessary done in this problematic world.

- Ruob.

So it’s nearly Christmas already, as you should be well aware of, unless you have been living under a rock for the past few months (that’s you, Osama bin Laden… Wherever you may be…)
At last we can get this over and done with.
There will be no more consumer-fuelled commercialism (until the next religious holiday, Easter. Seriously, there are Easter eggs and chocolate bunnies lining the shelves as we speak).

Instead, Christmas steps aside so that consumer-fuelled fighting over reduced goods may begin. From experience, parents often promise their kids an ‘After Christmas’ present, when in a few days time, will be the perfect opportunity to be looking for one.

Sales…It is easy to get wrapped up in the word: SALE. Most people won’t realise that what they bought is an utter piece of shit until they take it home and realise that they really have no use for a toaster that burns your toast in 350 shades of brown. Then again, perhaps it’s all in the thrill of the chase. Waking up at 5 am in the morning to race 5000 ravenous women into a department store full of cheap, dumped and unwanted stock? Two thousand dollars and a broken leg. Watching the victims with sprained ankles and hernias on TV? Priceless.

So to prevent future stressful situations involving what to buy for your family or loved ones, I have chosen a few excellent gifts. I do disapprove of all this commercialism, but then again, buying things DOES help the economy.

So what happens if you can’t find a gift for your girlfriend / yo mama?
Take a look at this:

Wow. I know what my mum’s getting for Christmas next year! The website that sells them claims: ‘When you’re done, your kitchen will be filled with the enchanting aroma of freshly baked fetuses!’ 
Whoever invented them was either a genius who:
a) Merged the tasty combo of cookie and foetus
b) A pedophile        OR
c) All of the above.

If you’re having trouble getting a gift for your kid for any occasion, try one of these: 

Guarantees hours of fun… And a great role model for little girls. The lesson here is that if you become unsuccessful at life, just become unemployed, buy a great pair of tartan pants and loafers, attract a bunch of cats and you’ll get your own action figure!

Well then, ladies, what do you get for your boyfriend, I hear you ask? 
 I completely understand. So here is the perfect gift for that special guy in your life
(It’s a bonus if he goes to Melbourne High!)

 Yep that’s right… The avenging unicorn. This is what happens when unicorns go bad.
It even comes with 4 interchangeable horns for all your impaling needs.

Now, you should have no problem shopping around for last minute gifts. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t get a foetus-shaped cookie cutter this year. There’s always the next. Or perhaps that was what the person, who bought you the toaster that burns your bread into 350 shades of brown, really meant to buy you.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Now dont get me wrong.. christmas is soo much fun. But there are always those negatives.  And because I’m in a really ‘bah humbug’ mood I’m going to list them.

1. Spending all your money on presents and then realising your broke. Oh great. I’m officially broke, no money and I’m smack bang in the middle of dying from exhaustion from traping around this shopping centre for the last four hours.. AND I CAN’T EVEN BUY MYSELF A DRINK.

2. Those dreaded relatives coming over. Sloppy kisses. Do this. Do that. Never-ending hugs. Cheek pinching. ‘Why look how much you’ve grown!’. The fluffy pink teddy they expect you to love even though you are well past the baby stages.

3. Getting up at 4.30 because somebody’s little siblings want to see santa. NO HE DOES NOT BLOODY EXIST. NO I AM NOT GETTING UP TO FIND HIM.

4. Getting up an hour later because they want to open their presents. GO TO FREAKING SLEEP.

5. Having to cook all the food when entertaining family. Or helping cook it, either way. It’s enough to make you hate kitchens for a lifetime.

6. Opening presents and realising you either a) already own it or b) would never ever buy anything relatively similar to it. And then having to pretend like its the best present ever for fear of offending anyone.

etc. etc.

That is all. Bah Humbug.

CrunchieKay

P.S. None of that is my personal opinion whatsoever. That was merely my attempt at being negative about christmas.. and as you can see I probably failed. Oh and none of those are my experiences. I got the ideas off grumpy old women – a classic show.

This week I have realised that it is time to get a move on with applying for a job for next year’s work experience. The job I want (at a newspaper company) requires that I submit my application an entire year prior to the work experience date. Now I realise I really should have tried harder this year to get some of those school awards I first thought were phony and useless (‘what use is $10 000 anyway?’ would have been the response of my naive self at the beginning of the year) but I had no idea how good they would look on my resumé. I am now left with an empty box for ‘awards’ and am wondering whether that Mc Donald’s trophy I won in primary school for being a ‘high achiever’ counts… I won a colouring competition when I was nine! Surely someone must be highly impressed with my ability to  ’colour in one direction’ (Rule no. 1 in colouring in) and hire me for their graphic design company! I also won a donut-on-a-string eating competition at the peak of my performance. Will Krispy Kreme take me on? What about 3rd for orange eating on Annual? That must be one of the criteria required for a job at the Vic Market…

Or maybe I should just go for a job that doesnt require a resumé. I bet if I get a whole lot of piercings in a whole lot of awkward places, Off Ya Tree will hire me for sure. Or I could get really good wasting money and lying to people  and then join politics. I wonder how much people who get into the Guiness World Record books get for doing whatever extraordinary feat they do… What I could do is gain another 500 kg, become the world’s fattest woman and then sell millions of copies of my autobiography on what its like being the world’s fattest woman. Sounds like a plan.

I think it’s safe to say that I’ve narrowed it down to two choices:
1. Write a resumé
2. Gain 500 kg

I’m going to have to sleep on it.