October 2008


My current life consists of a multitude of countdowns.  

  • 3 days until my Biology exam
  • 9 days until I turn 18
  • 13 days until my Chemistry exam
  • 14 days until my Art exam
  • 17 days until my German exam
  • 45 days until I get my results 
  • 2 months and nine days until my best friend comes home
  • 2 months and 20 days (approx) and I find out what I’ll be doing next year.

Sounds like a party to me! What I can’t wait for are the crazy dreams that come with the stress. Yesterday I had a nap, and I awoke, and my room was lit in a way that only occurs after about 10am. I had a full on panic attack, thinking I’d slept through my English exam.  BUT it was only two hours later, and I still had another 17 hours until my exam. 

Where am I going with this?

Who knows. I need to make a myriad of decisions, and I really need to sleep, and learn half the biology course, and then revise the said biology course, and I don’t have any idea of where I’m going to find the time in the day.

Funnily enough, there are only 24 hours in a day.

Sometimes this annoys me. I spend half the day procrastinating. Watching me try and do work is entertaining for those around me. I become fascinated in the most inane things. I spent a good 10 minutes looking at my fingers the other day, and a good 5 looking at my toes. 

It’s good to have such great concentration skills.

Oh look, something shiny. 

Best be off.

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Good evening once again, comrades.

A while ago I found a neat little site called “The Political Compass”, and today I thought I’d share it with you.

The main point of interest about this site is the relatively short political test that you can take, which asks about your opinions on various political, social and economic questions. From your answers, it calculates for you a “political compass”, which shows you where you lie on the economic scale (left-wing or right-wing) and the social scale (libertarian or authoritarian). For example, here’s mine:

Note that your position on the political compass can also be stated in numbers, with your economic position first followed by your social position. For example, mine, shown above, is (-6.2, +0.3).

As you can see, there’s more to it that simply Communism on the far Left and Fascism on the far Right (in fact, it is a myth that Communism and Fascism are opposites – Fascism is actually the opposite of Anarchism, while Communism is the opposite of neo-liberalism). There’s more to politics than the way the economy is managed – there are also social factors, which are taken into account in this graph.

Of course, this test is far from 100% accurate. In fact, it probably only gives you a very rough idea of where you lie politically as you aren’t questioned very extensively. So please don’t take this too seriously – I posted this more as a fun thing with a bit of politics mixed in.

There is also some analysis of how the political compass works, and there are some graphs that show the position of some famous politicians on the other pages of the site. I encourage you to check these out too.

If you’re interested/bored, visit the site at http://politicalcompass.org/. Click on “Take the test” on the left to take the test.

– Ruob.

Have you ever gone to a party, and gotten stuck talking to someone who loves their phone, just a little too much? Recently I overheard my friend Chuck talking to a girl, about his large arsenal of Hamburger phones. Obviously, a conversation centred around sandwich-like phones is not something you’d talk about to an attractive young woman. It is one that is best kept to your mates, but no matter what, to talk about such phones results in dire social consequences.

Since the release of the comedy drama ‘Juno’, it seems that retro phones are back in. No I am not talking about fluffy handsets for your home phone, but I mean the hamburger phone, as featured in Juno.

So what can I say about the Hamburger phone… As much as I admire your awesomeness for owning such a novelty communication device, I secretly think that you are a retard for owning one. Now who in their right mind would go and buy a phone, in the shape of a hamburger. Now it’s difficult for me to imagine any household that wouldn’t clash with this phone – unless of course you have posters of Frank Zappa, and lava lamps, as well as purple rug in your house.

This problem isn’t just as simple as: ‘hey that phone looks awesome, I might get one’; the problem is much deeper. Let’s delve deep into someone’s childhood – so that we can unlock the truth about their deep found affinity with hamburger phones:

I see a young boy/girl, playing with her toys. Now most children are born into a normal family-type household. But every family has a nut – whether it be an uncle, aunt, parent, or sibling. Now as a child it may appear as though they are headed towards a fairly average adolescence, then onto a fairly average adulthood. BUT (there’s always a but), one day, daddy (or alternate relation) comes home crazier than usual. Mummy grabs the hamburger to defend herself, and he doesn’t like that. So, daddy grabs the hamburger from her, and then comes at me with the burger. Then, he sticks the burger in my mouth and says “Why so serious? Let’s put a smile on that face.”

Now I’m assuming that you’ve all seen The Dark Knight, and what happens next, well the child chokes his attacker to death with the hamburger, and when he/she presses against the burger, they can hear the life disappear from the victim.

Now of course, I am no psychologist, but from my experiences with people who I know that own hamburger phones, when a murder is associated with them, it usually involves a whopper or a big mac. So it is only natural for them to have a certain affinity with food-related communication devices. I can see it now, McDonald’s could profit from this industry greatly, the release of the McPhone could revitalise the company’s standing internationally.

So if you are a person who decides to buy a hamburger phone, just think, have you been linked to any hamburger related homicides in the past? If so, that would explain your sick twisted need to hear someone’s voice through a sandwich.

Disclaimer: This only applys for hamburger phones. Banana phones are awesome, and everyone should get one. They work well when placed next to a fruit basket, and doesn’t clash with the decore.

After a recent study into mobile web use, it was revealed that a large proportion of iPhone users browse using their iPhone during the afternoon. But most of mobile web browsing and web browsing in general is done at 10PM. So does that mean that iPhone users sleep early? Now I posed this question to my youtube viewers, and here were the replies I got:

compootergal36 said: I use my iPhone mainly for work and during business hours, and when I go home I browse (most likely internet porn because compootergal36 is probably a 36 year old Arkansas male) using my macbook (an attempt of showing off how cool he is because his computer and phone make great fashion accessories).

brwandon said: the same thing. He tried to convince me that he was a businessman using is fag talk. Blah blah blah. And I smited him with my mighty demi-god like powers by removing him from my subscribers list. Here’s one for you, apple is releasing an iFag, that’d work perfectly with your macbook’s pink neoprene sleeve.

As you can see I have no clear explanation as to why the majority of iPhone users switch off internet browsing at night. But, what I have learnt that the average iPhone user is male with a lack of female genitalia present in their lives apart from the ones hiding underneath the layers of fabric. So, obviously they would not use an iPhone to watch internet porn, as it would remove one of their hands for sexual purposes. Now being a more family orientated blog – yeah right – I try to keep this as sensible as possible, BUT the data is clear. iPhone users don’t in fact go to bed early, but merely go to their macbooks to relieve themselves via internet porn.

Introducing the new iFag

Introducing the new iFag

Disclaimer: While my explanation is not in fact true (maybe it is), the data does say that iPhone users switch off at night. I myself love apple products and am patiently awaiting the release of the iFag.

No, actually, scrap that title, it was just that I had no idea what I was going to write today, because everyday is obviously very different from the last. For example, I woke up this morning and my alarm clock beeped in its usual exact nine minute intervals (I have no idea why; perhaps the manufacturers in Taiwan will only allow me 8 minutes and 59 seconds more sleep just to piss me off) whereas yesterday, I was woken by my neighbour calling for her cat. Seriously, I have no freaking idea what is UP with this woman and her cat. It doesn’t even have a name, she just refers to it as ‘pussy’. And believe me, I struggle to get to sleep at night when, at 1 in the morning, a woman is outside yelling ‘PUSSY!! PUSSY!! PUSSY WHERE ARE YOU? COME TO MAMA!’ and she should probably just ask the gardener. The conversation would probably go something along the lines of:

Crazy Cat-Lady: Have you seen my pussy?

Gardener: Why yes, I think its over there in the bushes.

Okay, sorry, maybe that last part was purely fictional, but you get my drift. Anyway, from what I have told you so far about my life, you are probably now aware that I do not delve very deep into important issues concerning the world (and that I’m probably just another horny teenager posting blogs about cats). Ah but you are wrong. Let me show you, with another example. You see, a couple weeks back, I was having a jolly old time with my friends on a bench along humble Collins Street in the city, we were watching people pass, innocently licking our ice creams and drinking our 7-11slurpees, when suddenly between brainfreezes, I notice… OH EM GEE!!! Someone’s just dropped a $10 note! No one else has seen… I run up to it… Heart pounding, I grab the blue note between my sticky ice cream hands, and you what I do? I put it in my pocket and save it for a rainy day. NO!! You know what I REALLY do? I’ll tell you what! I chase that man down Collins street until that note is safely returned to the cosy confines of the strangers wallet. See? I can be deep. And caring. And i like to think that, in one way or the other, I’m helping to ease the Global Financial Crisis. Yes indeed. You know what else I did that day? I helped my friend win a free slurpee by peeling off the tag on her cup. That’s right. Me. Saving the world, one free slurpee at a time.

Until tomorrow, I shall leave you with a quote:
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” -Brooke Shields, Actress.

AL

Now I’m sure all of you have gone through the situation where you’ve had to buy a new packet of pens each week because you have run out. How can that be? you may ask, well if some of you are academically fuelled students, you would have paid more attention to the teacher than just staring at Jamie Silver’s breasts, or poking your friend in the face with your pens – then having him throw it out the window (that explains the need for more pens). But as I go to an all-guy school – academically fuelled as well – that is often not the case. You see what we are plagued with is having an excess of unusually crap teachers, and teenagers have turned to their only true friend – the interwebs – to bitch about their angst on ratemyteachers.com. If you don’t know about the site, it is basically a forum of where young people from across the globe (sorted by countries) come to rate their teachers from their respective schools.

While the premise of the website is promising – it really isn’t very practical – just like communism. You see, all you’re doing is bitching about your teacher, and that get’s nothing done. Take Bob for example, his english teacher isn’t really English, more Indian or some other Potomac River native. But the point is, the education has become so overloaded with crap students and teachers, that we have resorted to providing English students with non-English teachers. Now explain to me how students are supposed to develop their lateral thinking minds when they aren’t even being taught by the right person – and don’t tell me that a non-english person can teach English, because I know first hand.

it seems that everyone has overlooked the most important thing about school because of this website – it has not only caused the average teenager to be more of a little s***, but also it has removed their lateral thinking ability. Instead of thinking outside the box, it is like drawing a little box inside the big one, and thinking within that frame. Now the problem are the teachers, and bringing this issue up to the education department simply won’t suffice. So my final and only point to all this is really, stop bitching about your teachers. There is really only one solution to this problem:

KICK YOUR DUMB ASS TEACHER IN THE BALLS

PS: It also works the same way for praising your teacher – no don’t headbut them – buy them a box of Swiss chocolates, or Belgium.

Below is a list of quotes that appear when you die in the single-player campaign of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare.


"In war, truth is the first casualty" -
Aeschylus
"Incoming fire has the right of way." - Unknown
"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind."
- John F. Kennedy
"War does not determine who is right - only who is left" - Burtrand
Russell
"A ship without Marines is like a garment without buttons." - Admiral
David D. Porter, USN
"The press is our chief ideological weapon." - Nikita Khrushchev
"Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury
you!" - Nikita Khrushchev
"If the enemy is in range, so are you."    - Infantry Journal
"So long as there are men, there will be wars."      - Albert Einstein
"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"I think the human race needs to think about killing. How much evil must
we do to do good?" - Robert McNamara
"Any military commander who is honest will admit he makes mistakes in the
application of military power."   -
Robert McNamara
"You can make a throne of bayonets, but you cant sit on it for long."
- Boris Yeltsin
"The deadliest weapon in the world is a Marine and his rifle!" -
General John J. Pershing
"Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty." - Ronald
Reagan
"Whoever stands by a just cause cannot possibly be called a
terrorist." - Yassar Arafat
"Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result."
- Winston Churchill
"War is delightful to those who have not yet experienced it." -
Erasmus
"Friendly fire - isn't." - Unknown
"Diplomats are just as essential in starting a war as soldiers are for
finishing it." - Will Rogers
"I think that technologies are morally neutral until we apply them. It's
only when we use them for good or evil that they become good or evil." -
William Gibson
"All that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do
nothing." - Edmund Burke
"Older men declare war. But it is the youth that must fight and die."
- Herbert Hoover
"The commander in the field is always right and the rear echelon is wrong,
unless proved otherwise." - Colin Powell
"Freedom is not free, but the U.S. Marine Corps will pay most of your
share." - Ned Dolan
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War
IV will be fought with sticks and stones."     -
Albert Einstein
"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do.
The hard part is doing it." - Norman Schwarzkopf
“If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a
hundred battles.” - Sun Tzu
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's
character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln
"If we can't persuade nations with comparable values of the merits of our
cause, we'd better reexamine our reasoning." - Robert McNamara
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of
patriots and tyrants." - Thomas Jefferson
"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe." - Unknown
"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal
"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." -
Infantry Journal
"No battle plan survives contact with the enemy." - Colin Powell
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army
Training Notice
"A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on." -
John F. Kennedy
"A leader leads by example, not by force." - Sun Tzu
"If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed toward you." -
Unknown
"There are only two kinds of people that understand Marines: Marines and
the enemy. Everyone else has a second-hand opinion." - General William
Thornson
"The more marines I have around, the better I like it." - General
Clark, U.S. Army
"Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder." -
Unknown
"Keep looking below surface appearances. Don't shrink from doing so just
because you might not like what you find." - Colin Powell
"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry
Journal
"The world will not accept dictatorship or domination." - Mikhail
Gorbachev
"Tyrants have always some slight shade of virtue; they support the laws
before destroying them." - Voltaire
"Heroes may not be braver than anyone else. They're just brave five
minutes longer." - Ronald Reagan
"In the end, it was luck. We were *this* close to nuclear war, and luck
prevented it." - Robert McNamara
"Some people live an entire lifetime and wonder if they have ever made a
difference in the world, but the Marines don't have that problem." -
Ronald Reagan
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed." - U.S. Air Force Marshal
"We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to
visit violence on those who would harm us." - George Orwell
"If at first you don't succeed, call an air strike." - Unknown
"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordinance
"Teamwork is essential, it gives them other people to shoot at." -
Unknown
"The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war."
- Ralph Waldo Emmerson
"We're in a world in which the possiblity of terrorism, married up with technology,
could make us very, very sorry we didn't act." - Condoleeza Rice
"All warfare is based on deception." - Sun Tzu
"The indefinite combination of human fallibility and nuclear weapons will
lead to the destruction of nations." - Robert McNamara
"In war, you win or lose, live or die - and the difference is just an
eyelash." - General Douglas MacArthur
"You cant say civilization dont advance - for in every war, they kill you
in a new way." - Will Rogers
"They'll be no learning period with nuclear weapons. Make one mistake and
you're going to destroy nations." - Robert McNamara
"It doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be
one of those men who goes into battle." - General Norman Schwarzkopf
"Any soldier worth his salt should be anti-war. And still, there are
things worth fighting for." - General Norman Schwarzkopf
"It is fatal to enter any war without the will to win it." - General
Douglas MacArthur
"Let your plans be as dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move,
fall like a thunderbolt." - Sun Tzu
"Anyone, who truly wants to go to war, has truly never been there
before!" - Larry Reeves
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
encountered automatic weapons." - General Douglas MacArthur
"Whoever does not miss the Soviet Union has no heart. Whoever wants it
back has no brain." - Vladimir Putin
"My first wish is to see this plague of mankind, war, banished from the
earth." - George Washington
"Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very, accurate. The bombs are
guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop
"If a man has done his best, what else is there?" - General George S.
Patton
"The bursting radius of a hand-grenade is always one foot greater than
your jumping range." - Unknown
"The tyrant always talks as if he's preserving the best interests of his
people when he actually acts to undermine them." - Ramman Kenoun
"Every tyrant who has lived has believed in freedom - for himself." -
Elbert Hubbard

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