Saturday, October 18th, 2008

Okay, Im beginning to think that my friend has a tiny obsession with this particular letter. Now I’m not one to judge, but this might be a little unhealthy and who knows.. maybe take over her life! Or maybe that’s just my dark thoughts. But this is an example of how ‘p’ is taking over her life.

Her electives next year include; Photography, Philosophy, Physical Theatre

She collects; Phone Numbers, Postcards

The student designated to look after her at school is named Phoebe

Pasta, Pizza and Potatoes are some of her favourite foods (although the unhealthy stuff takes presidence).

She likes listening to Simple Plan and Pop/Techno music.

Pink and Purple are her favourite colours (or at least some of them).

So is it just me or is that a little weird. And too much to be coincidental? Well here is my great solution..


And that is all.



It has come to my attention that there are still many unsolved problems in our lives. For example, no matter the engineering marvels of our world, we are still unable to make the Square block into the circle hole  – and nothing is impossible. Now the problem I present to you is another episode in my Lessons in etiquette series, no it’s not how to react when your girlfriend is being naughty under the table, but an issue which affects everyone (the former of the two doesn’t count for nerds), that is Bad Breath. Now no matter what social status you may come across, there will be someone without a demographic of society which has the epidemic of bad breath. And no matter what you do, if you come into direct contact with someone suffereing from bad breath, there is unfortunately nothing that you can do except tough it out. So you may be wondering what the whole point of this post is – I was myself until i started writing. I present to you dear readers, several methods of dealing with people with bad breath.

The unfortunate experiene of realising that you have bad breath

Now this guide is designed for people who don’t have bad breath – for people who do, you do not recieve my sympathy.


So you are walking along the street and casually browsing through the local stores. You eye an item that you wish to purchase – whether it be an apple or the latest blow up doll (for you dirty, horny, Asians). But when the store clerk comes by and utters the phrase ‘Can I help you’, the foul smelling essence being aplified from their cum receptical becomes too much for you.

Now there are a myriad of things that you can do, and before you pick any one option, you must know what kind of kit to bring along with you just incase.

-Mints: this includes tic tacs, eclipse, etc

-Chewing gum: now some of you teenyboppers may go for “cherry” flavoured, but think about this, would it really cure bad breath?

-Dental floss: self explanatory


-Mouth wash, toothbrush + paste

Now as you can see, it’s a farely standard kit (for those with high standards of hygeine). Now we come down to the options that you can choose, but just remember, you must be able to face the consequences of the decisions you make – be a man – do da rite ting!

Option 1: Tell it like it is. This is often a hard decision to make – or if you’re a complete prick like some people who do their hair on the train, not very hard at all (somewhat enjoyable as well). Now the repercussion to such a decision could include: getting a dirty look from the person with bad breath, them resenting you for it, and ruining your image as you would be labelled as a prick/bitch/whore/slut. Now it could also go the other way around, and you could be hailed a hero because other people didn’t have the balls to voice the truth earlier.

Option 2: Offer them a mint. Now if you also have a mint, it is a much nicer way of saying that they have bad breath, whereby you’re not stating to everyone else around you that the person you are talking has bad breath (but this really only works with people that you know).

Option 3: Tough it out. This is the most common option because most of the time we meet complete strangers with bad breath. And unfortunately it is frowned upon to say to complete stranger that they have foul smelling breath. Now if you insist on letting them know of their lack of oral hygeine, then by all means, please do so. But remember…. (BITCH).

Now as you can see, the reality of facing someone with bad breath is not enjoyable. But as a crusader on a quest, it is my duty to rid this world of such a plague. Will you join me on my mission? Ha

But until next time, floss with your mouth closed – until it’s safe to open them again.