Now when I stepped out of the house this morning, I was met with sunshine and blue skies. Well winter is over and summer is here – and most of us will be thinking: EEEkkk while looking in the mirror – not a mouse running behind you in the background – but at those larger hips, thighs and buttocks. So What do we do – we immediately put on our joggers and go running, walking or immediately to the weights. And then of course, we work ourselfs too hard and end up with aches and pains and strains all over.

So what do we do to solve this? I have seen several bizarre solutions – such as digital massage therapy pads offered on Zazz. But do we really want to find ourselves in situation of wasting money on cheap gimmicks that we often fall victim to? Time and time again, the innocent consumer has been targeted by marketers into buying their horrible weight-loss products.

So, I provide you with the best solution, and it’s only $5.95!!!

Now for that price, I will come around and kick you in the groyne until your breakfast, lunch, AND dinner! upends itself so that you get rid of all those nasty calories being stored in your thighs.

And if you pay by credit card, I’ll also come around and give you a rod to shove down your throat so that you can purge when I’m not around to provide you the service.

Honestly people – get on a treadmill, go for a run, hit the gym. It’s people like you who are ruining the earth, what with your breeding of overly large children and spurring on childhood obestiy – shame on you.

Disclaimer: I’m really sorry if I offended anyone with this blog. If you email me – I will send you a coupon pack of weight watchers – lasts until the end of the month.