This week has left me sleep deprived (which I can blame daylight savings for, or perhaps the sun), feeling sick and clothing/gender confused. The sudden change of weather in the past week is really doing my head in. Is it summer? Or is it winter? Is it due to climate change? Or just Al Gore screwing around? All these questions, and more, will be answered in today’s blog.
So first thing first: It sucks to be sick during summer. Yeah I’m aware that it’s still spring. At least now I can hide behind a mask of ‘Oh, it’s hayfever, nothing contagious’ instead of me actually coming down with a cold. So while other people are parading around half naked in short shorts and thongs (the things you wear on your feet), I’ve resorted to a diet of lemon juice and Chinese herbal throat medication which looks like green M&M’s but actually contains ingredients of the more sinister kind… mainly ground up bits of tree roots and plants with long, scientific names, like schizonepeta tenuifolia. What is it? Who knows. Another one of life’s little mysteries…
Just when I clear my closet out and dispose of jumpers and other woollen delights, mother nature turns around and decides to dish out a dose of flash floods and hailstorms with ice as big as my head falling out of the sky. That’s right, THE SKY IS FALLING!! Yep, you heard it first. So anyway, it was 35 degrees two weeks ago, and next thing I know, I’m wearing my Corey Worthington-esque furry hood jacket. This needs to be stopped! Not only are furry hood jackets against the law, the weather is fucked! Either that or God is going through a midlife crisis and wants to take it out on us.
Personally, I’m going with the first suggestion.