After raiding through my closet for hours on end, I have discovered that clothes are useless. Sure, they keep us warm. Sure, they help us protect our modesty. But all in all, too much time is wasted on picking and choosing and ‘mixing & matching’ and other such lame yet catchy names given to the art of covering oneself.
Getting lost in my wardrobe between piles of odd socks, old underwear (‘old’ as in the ‘too small to fit’ kind-of-old, not of the ‘3 months passed after use without washing’ kind), broken yoga mats, and statues of naked women is what I experience everytime I’m trying to look for some unsoiled pants. For some reason, my family thinks that my closet is also the perfect place to use for dumping everyone’s unwanted shit.
So anyway, uh… Where was I? Right, back to my point… WHO LIKES SHORT SHORTS?? Wait… No… CLOTHES WERE BIRTHED FROM THE LOINS OF SATAN! Yes, I think that’s it. So anyway, all these people are making money from the fashion industry and they’re feeding us a whole lot of mumbo jumbo fizzle shizzle and we can’t help but be influenced by their products. Take Boho for example. (No, that is not a typo of Bono’s name), its pretty much, in my opinion, anything to do with hippies, hysterical gypsies, flowers,and tying fabric to your forehead. For guys, its all about the hair and probably a pair of designer sunglasses with some kind of fad initials on them like ‘CK’, ‘CC’, ‘LV’ or ‘SUPRE’. Clothes these days are only really ‘cool’ if they’re endorsed by someone with a name like ‘”Miley” Destiny Hope Cyrus’ or ‘Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Drummey Geldof’.
For your pleasure, I have included:
Some entertaining things to do whilst nude:
1. Run around the house while your family is away shopping/holidaying/gardening/sleeping
2. Experience a nice breeze
4. Frolic though a meadow
5. Make a phone call (They’ll never know…)
6. Pee in the shower (It’s a basic human right)
And some things which you shouldn’t do whilst nude:
1. Deep frying
2. Picking up your kids
3. Jumping / climbing fences
4. Rolling down hills
5. Visiting your grandparents
6. Operating heavy machinery (ie. Lawn mower / clippers)
Note: I am not saying that everyone should become a nudist (as I myself have no intention to do so), but I am suggesting however, that everyone should THINK like a nudist. Because, let’s face it, life is a lot more fun without clothes.