Food


One of my favourite things to eat are dumplings. Yesterday, I had 3 different types of dumplings at two different meals! It was brilliant.

If we kept the White Australia policy, we would have no dumplings, and I would be sad. Therefore, I believe that racism is bad, and multiculturalism is good.

English food is incredibly boring, and it seems to me that my culinary habits never take the form of traditional english or irish food (the food of my ancestors). Everything that I deem worthy to be cooked is based loosely on Italian, or Asian cuisine. Yes, cuisine of Asia changes dependent on the different regions, but I pretty much make things up. Recipes are for chumps.

On the other hand, cakes and baked goods seem to have originated from Europe (this is based only on my eating), but I did have the most delicious Malaysian biscuit type things the other day. They were brilliant. My best friend’s Mum deems it necessary to feed me yummy food, just to broaden my horizons. I got some awesome ‘biscuits’, which were a loose interpretation of what I believe to be ‘biscuits’. Then again, ‘biscuits’ in the USA are what we call ‘scones’, which is always interesting.

I love food.

That’s pretty much the moral of this story!

It was reported earlier this week that Narcotics Agents seized methampetamine that had been flavoured using Nestle Nesquik. Now this is obviously a PR disaster – for the drug dealers. But it has made Nestle Nesquik ‘cool’ again, in the eyes of bored, disaffected teenagers (especially for the hard-to-impress 12 to 14 year old demographic). Above all, it’s nice to see drug dealers doing their part to combat childhood obesity.

Now you can’t fight McDonalds with apples and lettuce and tofu wraps. We can only fight fast food with faster, better flavoured drugs. For too long now, the fast food industry have ‘had it their way’, what with the Coca Cola corporation injecting every bottle of coke with a speed bottle, or Dunkin’ Donuts dunking every donut in PCP. The meat industry injecting cows with hormones as if it will make them better football players. Or what about those new, chocolate covered, ecstasy M&Ms. And for decades, Smith’s has fried every potato chip in a deadly combination of oil and LSD.

For too long the food industry has been filling our food with drugs, so it’s understandable that it’s about time that the drug industry began filling our drugs with food. So this is what it has come down to. Food corporations vs Drug dealers. Big Mac, versus Big ‘Smack’ in a battle to the death to win the hearts (literally) and minds, and insatiable apetites of consumers. And so far, the hormone injecting food industry is way in front. But the day someone comes up with the idea of making flavoured marijuana (cigarettes are just not cool), then all bets are off.

By the way, without my chocolate flavoured milk I would be unable to write this blog… and now I’ve run out 😥

I WANT MORE NESQUIK! MUM! WHERE’S MY MILK!? I WANT MY NESQUIK, QUICKLY.

See what I mean? They adertise how good it’ll make you feel, but not how bad.

Remember: Don’t get high, off your own supply

Alright today is the final weekday of school holidays. Tonight I am going out with friends, however before that there is a challenge. A challenge in which no human can reject, an eat off. What the fuck you might think, well yeah, I have no come back. What’s basically going to go down is three guys whom I will call Keisian, Scout and Myself (Waywardarrow) are all going to order the same plate of food, and see who can 1) Finish it and 2) Who can finish it first. Now here is the catch, we are going to be going to Lazy Moes in Oakleigh, known for their giant servings. I can attest to this as my brother took me there last Saturday to have one such plate, which I did not finish… Though it was the second time I had dinner that night. Who will finish this plate? Who will do it the quickest? …BET NOW! (More to follow once I arriv

e at the Arena, Including Images yay)

Ok well we’re at Lazy Moes now

We have each ordered the Moes BBQ, and are now prepping ourselves for the Eat Off. The first Dish Goes to Scout as he will have a slight handicap because of braces. First plate:

Alright and Now all three of us have plates:

And the Eat Off begins!

Alright 10 minutes and Scout is gunning his way through finishing more half the meat on his place, closely followed by Keisian. I am behind the front two taking an even pace, mixing a mouthful of fries to some meat. At this rate I think Scout has the edge over Keisian and me.

The 20 minute mark now, And Scout has almost finished all his meat with Keisian not far behind. Keisian although not eating for almost 20 hours is approaching full stomach capacity. I am still keeping my pace but judging from the plates, am lagging behind these two monsters.

35 minutes in and the game has all changed. Keisian the train has ground to a stop after finishing all his meat, but has a large plateful of fries left. Scout although ahead of Keisian, has also slowed down significantly. His braces seem to be the problem especially with some of the thinner/harder fries. I am still going, but also at a slower pace, however it has proven my technique has worked and I have very little left to finish.

Alright it has just hit the 40 minute mark and we have the winner of this Eat Off… Me, Yay. Scout is still chugging along and Keisian is like a connex train that has broken down.The winner:

At the 50 minute mark Keisian has pulled out conceding defeat and taking third. Scout pushes on to try and finish this monster of a plate. And at the 60 minute mark Scout stops as he has finished all the edible fries. The inedible is given to him as a handicap. As we left Lazy Moes we discovered that the plate Moes BBQ was the largest dish served in the restaurant…

Anyways although this is the end of the Eat Off I just wanted to add that afterwards we went to Mc to meet with others, and somehow you just randomly meet old friends:

Waywardarrow

Another advertisement flashes across the screen. Before you know it, some perfectly presented lady is trying to sell you the ‘incredible’ new muesli bar which ‘tastes delicious’ and ‘all your family will love’. Yet when you actually go and buy this new product, it tastes as great as pumpkin mixed with chocolate. In fact, it probably is. So how can companies advertise their products with promises such as ‘a taste you will love’ when they cannot guarantee that you will love it. Isn’t this false advertising?

A radio company in America called XM last year was sued for advertising ‘commercial free music’ when in fact their channels did contain promotional and advertisement segments. This case cost the company thousands of dollars but was it really worthwhile? If someone decided to take on Cadbury and sue them because they claimed the companies Crunchies aren’t deliciously yummy as described, would it really be worth the effort? Yes, this person may not find Crunchies as they are advertised so technically Cadbury would be guilty of false advertising. However nearly every (if not all) food companies advertise their goods in some appealing way so unless this person plans on suing every single company, there would be no point. Added to this are the legal costs involved, it would cost way more to sue than anyone would receive in benefits. And Cadbury in the end would have lost practically nothing to the billions they earn every year. So in conclusion it would be a waste of time, but should someone sue them anyway?

Should they be sued just based on ‘morals’? That what they are doing is wrong and therefore should be stopped? Or do we simply not bother doing anything?

Well if anyone wishes to sue Cadbury or any other food company for false advertising, please contact me as it sure would be a case to follow.

CrunchieKay

Now you may wonder why the earth really is in fact round, and not flat, but there are more pressing issues concerning mankind at the moment. Yes, I dare to talk about the issue that is best left untouched – just like Jamie’s sister. The issue I am talking about here, is the lack of etiquette when it comes to dining at Sushi train stores. And as Brendan Fraser once said in the 1997 hit flick “Blast From The Past”, etiquette is just a way of showing how much you respect someone. So then, does that mean that all the other squinty eyed, or curry sniffing, or cocain snorting uni students do not respect me as an individual and a customer? And that goes for any other well to do customer at Sushi train stores.

Now I know you’ve all been through my situation, and I commend you for the amount of energy that you have put into restraining yourself from launching a Nigiri sushi at the bimbo at the table next to you. Now for those of you who are unable to picture the preface in your mind. The situation simply goes like this.

1. You sit patiently at your seat and wait for your favourite kind of sushi

2. You spot your favourite sushi and prepare yourself mentally, for the meal

3. A FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT STEALS YOUR SUSHI

Now step 4 comes in a variety of ways. For me, I am just grateful that the Sushi store is kind enough to provide its patrons with weapons at the ready – for the chopstick is a deadly weapon, as proven by Jet Li in the 2002 hit flick Kiss of the Dragon. But there will be no martial arts reenactments here. No sir. But it would be nice just to picture how it COULD turn out in your mind.

Another common enemy of the average teenager eating at Sushi train includes the infamous businessman/woman. This evil archetype will be commonly referred to in later episodes, but for now, you will only get a teaser of their brute. Now the businessman/woman usually comes in a nice suit with a bluetooth earpiece at the ready. Not only will the businessman come in with flare and debonair, they will also demand the best seats (depending on what you prefer, it is usually somewhere in the middle, most of the single caucasian women sit there). Now being of a higher social standing than other patrons, automatically an influx of quality and untained sushi will come rolling through the conveyor belt. And, as a sub standard patron, it is my most fervent hope that the businessman/woman dies of food poisoning. Not because I spite them – just a little. But because it is better to do with them quickly. Because the grim reality is that he or she will end up divorced before the age of 40, maybe have sex with a minor, or contract HIV.

So you can see my experience at Sushi train stores have been somewhat displeasing. But I hope that you make the effort to spend at least one meal there. If you do go, I recommend that you make the most of your time there, and confront all other patrons and say ‘hey bitch that was MY maki roll’ and slap her.

I hope you all enjoyed my insight into the world of Sushi trains -even though I rarely delved on the topic.

Watch out for more of my somewhat useful insights into adolescent issues. But until next time.

Cheerio