Now before you launch a myriad of flying swords at me, take this time to read what I have to say about the land of the hopes and dreams – or was that hollywood; doesn’t matter, it’s still in the US. Now having spent time there – two weeks warrants a title as an expert into the United States – I can tell you first hand that international stereotypes of Americans are true!

Stereotype #1: The Redneck

Now having spent two weeks with such a species I know first hand the dangers they pose. Luckily for me this one was a mutated (some would call ‘evolved’) form of the Homoredneckius. But having spent some time with him/her I realised that they do provide some benefit to the nation (the ones I came across).

1.  100% Patriotic – now that is they may not be the smartest citizens, but they are citizens nonetheless. Now the one I talked to was part of the National Guard. After the comedic truth that the National Guard is substandard in Military terms I realised that whatever their gripes are with the different services, he was just an average citizen who wanted to do his part. Now isn’t that something to be commended on.

2. They buy you stuff – this guy that I met over in the US of A was a real nice fellow. Although as previously stated, that he would not cure cancer, he sure did cure my hunger. Now he was smart enough to recommend to me not to eat $20 worth of Reese’s peanut butter cups. Even though I was determined to do so, he was kind enough to fund my suicide attempt. You could say that it was a case of euthanasia (hey, I think i’ll write something on that).

Stereotype #2: The African American

Now another steretype that I came across the African American. Yes, I met a genuine one. I know it’s a revelation to people like Australians, but the one that I became friends did not pull a gat on me and threaten to ‘put a cap in yo ass’. Now ADL as he is referred to his hard to figure out. Before coming to the US I thought that all those brothers would stick together. But when posed with the question: ‘McCain or Obama’, I was met with a dumbfounded look of ‘what do you think?’ To this day it is a surprise that he is a McCain supporter. Now to all you Obama supporters out there – especially the white ones – how do you explain the loss of an African American Obama supporter? HE’S AFRICAN AMERICAN!!!

Aside from my political rant I did come across – although to my benefit not intimately – the famed African America. I cite to you an example of such a neighbourhood (even though I had never heard of it before). Anacostia in the District of Columbia filled all my criteria in terms of seeing an African American ‘burb. There were cop cars and urban music blasting in the streets. And we, as foreigners in matching shirts, got the ‘if you weren’t from another country we’d mug yo’ ass’.

Stereotype 3: SoCal surfer

This SoCal surfer that I met was also from Orange County. Now with my expectations at a whole new level after the realisation that the aforementioned steretypes did in fact exist, this guy had a lot to live up to. To my disappointment, he did not have the wavey blonde hair. Nor did he have that thick, SoCal accent that we hear so much on Josh Schwartz’s the OC. Oh, and let’s leave the partying out of it (EPIC FAIL IN THAT CATEGORY).

Stereotype #4: Blonde? Bimbo

The bimbo I met wasn’t blonde. Well, the bimbos (plural) that I met came in the form of brunettes and ginger kids. Now this may come as a surprise to you international students hoping to get laid in a Harold and Kumar way, but most of the bimbos in America aren’t blonde! What is up with that? Now I tried being a nice Australian, everyone loves Aussies, but holding a decent conversation with one of these types was not only painful and boring, I felt braincells dying.

When venturing into the public eye with this stereotype I felt ashamed to be wearing matching shirts with them – I was representing my country! I gave them a chance to redeem themselves, but, all the did was approach me and ask for knee high socks (white). So that they could wear it with their denim mini skirts. Now if that is not an abomination in itself, I do not know what it is. Some fantasies are better left inside one’s  head, or locked up inside the basement (if you’re into that thing).

That concludes my comprehensive analysis on the American steretypes. Now this list is by no means exhaustive. If there are any others that you feel I may have missed. Please, alert me to my errors. But remember, if you decide to contact me to inform me of my mistake, you will no doubt see me when you touch yourself tonight.

Signing off.

The Namman