So I’m sure everyone knows you got smashed off your face on new year’s eve, woke up in some old lady’s flower bed the next morning with no panties on, a pool of vomit on your chest and a large gash where your belly button used to be. (Okay, so maybe that didn’t happen to everyone, but I know that would have happened to the guy who we met at the park, whose girl friend had scratched him from his chest down to his groin. And let me tell you, it was NOT cute. Although I know what you’re thinking… Pretty kinky, right?)
All I know is that it could be worse. After seeing a swivel chair hurtling towards me with a drunk teenage guy on it with a cigarette in one hand and imitation Kanye West glasses on his face, I’m afraid to say that a small part of me, that wanted to drink, died. I think I could write a book on this experience, called 101 things to do with swivel chairs. It would go a little something like this…
1. Get drunk whilst straddling a swivel chair
2. Ride it full speed down the street
3. Spin around for a while
4. Fall over the curb and off the seat
5. Get back on
6. Fall off again
7. Get back on
8. Fall off again.
101. Decide that the reason you have been falling off is that a wheel is broken (when in fact all wheels are intact, but however, it makes good fun to watch).
Anyway, 2009 doesn’t seem to hold any exciting promises. Doesn’t seem like anything good could happen this year (unless you count going bankrupt as a good thing). Obviously, Channel Ten agrees with me, after airing an ABBA special on new year’s eve. I mean, what does a Swedish band, sequins, lycra and cat suits (or in unfortunate band member Bjorn’s case, revealing transvestite one-pieces) have to do with the new year? Unless sequins, lycra, cat suits and revealing transevestite one-pieces and/or ABBA are making a comeback in 2009… Move over Britney! I hear talks are in place for Mamma Mia the Musical Two, so it could very well be possible. Kids, keep your eyes peeled.
Oh by the way just before I leave, just wanted to mention that another clever thing to do on NYE is run around a park at midnight minus pants, whist shouting ‘Where are my pants?’ and ‘Who stole my pants?’ or ‘Teehee! Pants!’
Because in the end, Stupidity = Quite Entertaining, despite all the negativity towards stupid people. After all, there’s only one day of the year where I’m willing to hand out exceptions. So to all you lunatics who get smashed, lose your pants, get mauled by girlfriends and spin around on chairs all night on new years, I say God Bless You, because without you, it just wouldn’t be the same.
Happy 09 !